Just forget about, anything I say about it.

I am literally being driven crazy by lack of output. I sit here, in front of the computer, ready to write(I know what I want to write), ready to draw( I've got my ideas set), yet NOTHING even trickles to the surface. Pathetic, I'd say. How will I ever become this important writer, or just person in general if I cannot even do my passion thing without being stopped by these "blocks?" If you would even call it a block. I'm not blocked, I'm like...creativity constipated. That's it! I'm creativity constipated, perhaps I waited to long to let it all out. But still, I'm pissed at my fingers, mouth and brain for not working together properly.
So I am almost positive that I have no friends. Spouses do not count. I have been talking to Sir Jestro lately, but alas he has his own life and doesn't need me bugging him all the time just because I don't have friends. I thought I had found best friend, but she proved to me that she nothing more than all the other "friends" that left me. Seriously, like everyone I get involved in always leaves me or moves away. I know, it's a part of life, but it sucks. I'd like to have one friend, that I could call my own. My first best friend was Baby Dubay. My first musically inclined and obsessed friend. We went to Warped Tour '07 and wrecked shit. We got thrown on top of the crowd, saw IAG on the tiny Hot Topic stage before they were huge, we were even asked by some randon dude if he could kiss our feet because he kisses the feet of pretty girls, apparently, so we let him:] I lost her to high school too...or maybe it was drugs. Probably both. I really miss Megan, she was an awesome friend. We'd write poems and stories together, she'd draw me awesome pictures, we'd laugh. I remember going into the bathrooms in high school before lunch just to hair spray the living shit out of our hair, because we we're friends and damnit we liked big hair. But...her family was in my opinion "religiously insane," just like my sister-in-law and her husband. Jehovah's Witness. Whatever then, more power to them. I told Megan on her 18th birthday I'd save her from her family, and i really was planning on it, but as it got closer to her birthday the more she shrugged the idea off..and then she was just. I never trusted another woman until Alex came around. Alex has the grace of a thousand Russian ballet dancers, and Alex is so beautiful. It always intimidated me being around her. To this day, we are still on good terms, but she moved away to Vegas, and found a great man...she's living her beautiful life and I am okay with that. I really shouldn't be so selfish, wanting attention from someone like that. It's stupid of me..
Is this enough of my friendless ranting? Maybe it's me? Maybe I wasn't meant to have a special friend...maybe I already threw away my opportunity...or maybe, this is karma. Who knows?




.Alyss.