So somewhere along the way I lost my faith in people around me, these people are usually called friends. I understand that not all people have the friend quality within them and everyone has had a falling out with a friend, but most people like that I know....at least have a good solid friend who has fought through everything with them and they still remain the best of friends. I do not have a person like that. It's like every time I get close to someone...they move away, leave or just straight up leave their knife in my back. The last three friends that i had faith in ALL moved away, the third one...well I am just waiting for her to go to college. She's a awesome person and I love her....but unfortunately I know that she will not have time for something like this especially when she is starting college at a big university. She says she won't forget me, she won't let the calls and texts and letters die down...but sadly, I have heard that before and that just hurts. I guess i wasn't meant to have a best friend...or someone I can confide in in such a special way. I have already accepted this. I have already stopped looking for this person. The replacement for this pain have been turned into reading a million books at the speed of money burning a hole in my pocket. I think this is a part of life though...growing up with people then out of high school you see everyone start to have kids, get married, move away to college, start a family...it's the way life works. I just never thought I would be so alone in all this. I put my heart in many "friends" hands and I think the break of a friendship hurts worse then a breakup between a boyfriend/girlfriend. You're just on completely different level with people when you're their friend. I don't know if there is something that I do, or if it's just me that makes these friends want to go. I have felt disposable to a lot of people. Like I feel like I was never worth keeping because maybe I just didn't shine enough to them. I don't know the reason, but I'm still left all alone with knifes in my back. That's how I feel and no awesome princess friend has got off her damn horse to show me otherwise.
