Since I wrote an end of the year blog last year....I will do so again this year.
Just because I want to.
This year has been a really tough year. Of course, there have been both good times and bad. Just like anyone's life. Mine is my own, but it is not very different.
I have learned many things this year and of course, grown every single day.
My dad was gone most of this year so that really upset me a lot of the time, but I am so proud of him because he is literally making history where he is.
I have done a lot of research this year, developed opinions and theories. Research on anything I was curious about, anything I wondered about.
I got more tattoos. I love tattoos. For some reason, where my tattoos are are the places on my body that I have learned to just love. I love art. My tattoos and their precious meaning can never be stolen by anyone and I wear them like milestones.
I have lost a precious friend this year. Maybe they were never my friend in their mind, but they were always precious in my mind. It took me so long to let them go, but I did. It makes me sad and I do feel incomplete, but you know what I realized that I cannot hold it forever because it will just hurt me. Like a hot coal in your bare hands. I kicked and screamed and cried for my friend to stay, but they found something that left them walking by.
My very good friend joined the Army and has left to Texas for a very long time. I am very happy for her but it always hurts to watch someone you love go. I hold her memories in my heart, so that I may replay them over and over.
It seems with all the things I have battled this year....it only made me build my walls higher and sturdier....
I am a stonewall now. No mercy for anything.
I have battled against the girl in the mirror forever it seems like. Hating myself. Crying instantly most days when I look in the mirror. Why? Why do I do that? I do not understand.
I am not making any resolutions. I don't believe in those. I believe that if you want something done there is no perfect year, or perfect time to wait to do it. Your life is passing you by moment after moment. Don't waste your time waiting for change. Get up and move! Make the change youself. Who cares about NY resolutions. The time is now. Wherever you are, whatever your doing.
I spent a lot of this year filling an entire notebook of story outlines, character descriptions, story prep, and perfect placement. I am hoping to get a move on my writing and into the published world.
I plan on finishing Nursing school.
Who knows?
Maybe things will change. I will see when I get there.
2013 was a upsetting year, a hard year.
The worst thing about it was being called a "pig" and "a fat bitch" and "just look at you, how could someone love you?"
Then at the end of it all being told by someone super close that I am in bad shape for my age and that's just the truth and I need to lose weight.
Thanks. Now let me just go die. or Turn my pain into motivation.
Horrible fucking words. Fuck you. Fuck 2013.
