Dear _______,

I suppose now would be a great time to admit "season's change." I hate that analogy beyond belief, but it proved to be true. I miss you more than I can even muster to say. Years ago, I would have spoken my missing out loud, embraced you, never would have let go. Today, a different story plays. I sit in the darkest parts of the room and play the memories out in my head as they come. I try to paint out my feelings, doesn't help. I try to write my feelings; maybe make up a new story to distract me from the ones I have yet to finish, that we have yet to finish to. Sometimes it's really hard to ignore my feelings I feel. I hate emotions. They are leases on me; like chains there to weigh me down. I don't know how to feel sometimes. I feel trapped. Like no one will listen to what I say. Really listen, and care. I am utterly depressed at the moment. I plan on drinking tonight to numb it. I just need to feel okay for a few hours, I feel like I'm ripping at the seams. There was a time when I thought no one would forget me, but now I see I'm as forgotten as the next girl; as the next ANYBODY. I feel sick. I feel used. I feel disgusting. Most of the time I feel sick. I feel stupid. I feel out of place. See...all this FEELING. I don't want to feel. That's all I ever do is feel. Be numb, just for a second. For a second, not give a shit about anyone or anything in the world. distracted, this is me. I am who I am and that will never change. These things, I think and wish. Dear ________, I hate the place you've left me in. The darkness you left me in. I couldn't forgive you easily. It's a joke. Here I stand, in the dark corner of your life. Broken toy.

"I still hang on every word in the world of faded memories where you're still in love with me.
I can see it in your eyes"

.Alyss.